MALIBU, CA - Tired of the scandals, the abuse, and the ill-deserved attention, Britney Spears breasts have filed for divorce in a Malibu court. They cite irreconcilable differences for the reason as well as domestic abuse. Neither Britney nor her entourage could be reached for comment. Her boobs were also unavailable as they are still physically attached to Spears.

In the suit, her breasts claim that they have never been properly used and are frequently exposed to violent behaviors. They allege that Spears permits them to be mauled by unnamed individuals. They also claim that the pop superstar bumps them into walls and doorframes. They assert that Spears does not understand how to treat and maintain breasts of their size and shape.

What started as a glorious career for Spears and her boobs, the last few years have been marred with nothing but controversy. First, there were allegations that her breasts had been artificially enhanced. This is apparently where the falling out between Spears and her boobs began. She did not come to the aid of her breasts and they had to launch their own media campaign to quash the rumors. There has still been no resolution to the issue.

Next was the rejection from Justin Timberlake. He downsized from Britney’s breasts to Cameron Diaz. Britney’s ta-ta’s could not understand this logic and insisted that Britney did not put them in their best light around Justin thus intimidating him.

Finally, her cleavage was not a fan of Kevin Federline from day 1. Yet they got married and they were used to feed their spawn. Even the divorce could not repair the strained relationship. Britney began to draw attention to other body parts and totally ignored the assets that had made her a sex symbol to many. She also, as the lawsuit claims, “started going all crazy and made herself the laughing stock of America, thus devaluing our net worth.”

Britney’s breasts have not specified a settlement amount or where they would like to go once the divorce in finalized; but the rumor mill has been abuzz with potential names that have made inquires to the boobs lawyers. The list includes the likes of Kiera Knightly, Pink, Katie Couric, Michele Pfieffer, and Milla Jovovich.